tiny rebellions

lil life update + a short story about work and pleasure

hello my sweet substack community <3

I am elated to inform you that I quit my job.

Before I submitted my resignation, I was plagued with irritability and anxiety about what was unfolding at work. It was seeping through the cracks of my psyche, manifesting in nightmares and panic attacks. A former version of myself would have put her head down and powered through the discomfort out of a sense of duty or obligation or fear of disappointing people. She would have chosen what was familiar rather than opening herself to the possibilities lying on the other side of change. I feel immensely grateful to be learning to trust my intuition and go boldly where my body leads.

I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to my friend Amara, whose story about quitting her job acted as a balm for my restless spirit during this process. I repeated Amara’s affirmations to myself many times before I resigned. A different reality is near, a different reality is near, a different reality is near.

There has been a wonderful sense of relief flooding my system ever since I clocked off my last shift. My body has lovingly moved from activation to ease. Perhaps someday I will write in more detail about what happened while working in this position, but for now I am letting myself savor this stage of becoming.

a break between jobs has allowed me to savor the springtime blooms in my neighborhood. glorious, aren’t they?

In honor of quitting, I thought I would share a story I wrote a few months ago about work and pleasure. I hope it reminds you of life’s sweetness <3

---

tiny rebellions.

On the morning of my last shift of the week, I stayed in bed long past the bleating of my 5:30 alarm.

After hitting the snooze button (many times), I silently planned which scrub pants and tee I would grab from my drawers. The week had emptied my emotional energy reserves quite swiftly. I would much rather just stay between my worn cotton sheets and recoup. After an entire forty minutes of postponing the inevitable, I convinced myself to stand, abandoning the tender embrace of my partner and our ever-affectionate dog. I stumbled through my pre-calculated routine—getting dressed (blue scrubs, white top), brushing my teeth (but not my hair because that would require getting up ten minutes earlier), grabbing my keys.

can you imagine leaving this?

On the rain doused highway my windshield wipers worked overtime. January in Seattle is as rainy as they make it seem on television. I took the exit to work, approaching the donut place I always mean to stop at. The small establishment, nestled between a smoke shop and an Indian restaurant, seemed to beckon to me. It was just ten minutes til my shift started. My mind tried to talk some reason into me, but my stomach had one thought: maple bar.

I pulled into the parking lot. As i approached Family Donut, I saw a line. It almost deterred me, sent me sulking back to my car and the work day ahead. I would be late if I continued, no doubt.

Fuck it.

I swung open the door and was met with the sight of hundreds of fresh crullers, bear claws, and fritters. The decadent wafts of spice and dough were already worth what I had risked. I placed my order—an apple fritter and a maple bar—and pranced back to my car with glee. As I sunk my teeth into that fluffy, crispy, perfectly moist apple fritter, I felt the pang of rebellion warm my chest, my grin a welcome companion.

I clocked in 4 minutes late.

---

before you go, help me make my roadtrip playlist!

This Sunday, I’m heading out on a road trip with my bestie Mak (check their page out here!) Having lived in two different states for the last couple years, I already know we’re going to be a giddy mess. I can hardly wait to sing together to the wind, sink our feet into the delicate earth, and gaze together at the stars. Our togetherness is just what my spirit needs.

I would love if you would leave a comment with your must-have road trip songs! I’m making us a playlist (it begins with Life Is A Highway by the Rascal Flatts, of course) and we could use your recs.

mak (right) and kenz (left), circa 2005 <3

as always, thank you for your presence.

<3 kenzi